he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
