shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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