dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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