I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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