Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
