i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
