So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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