This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
