So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
party gras won. party gras always wins.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
