My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Randomize
