KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
