The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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