every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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