I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
