Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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