I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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