MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
