We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
