I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
