I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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