Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
