i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
