she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
