Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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