she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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