STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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