Already got asked if we're dating
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
