Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
worst night to have a conscience
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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