she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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