i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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