I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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