I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Randomize
