I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
