well I can't set my house on fire every night
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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