i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
