My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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