Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
