so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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