When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
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