and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
