I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
