I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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