Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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