I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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