i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
