go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
