You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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