Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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