is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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