If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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