I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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