I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
