Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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