We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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