He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
