All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
