I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
