guys are only as good as the porn they watch
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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