Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
