if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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