So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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