Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
