everyone is single if you try hard enough
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
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She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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