There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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